Nonviolent communication and the culture of feedback

It seems cliché in 2024 to still be talking about feedback, doesn’t it? One of the most fascinating things about the human brain is that it has a will of its own. You can experience this when you turn on the TV searching for something to watch and end up on the same movie or series you always watch. Today, this phenomenon is commonly called a “comfort series,” but what exactly is comfortable for your brain? The answer might not be pleasant: your brain is a master at conserving energy, acting as though we are still primitive humans who might suddenly need to hunt for food, preserving energy just in case.

In today’s society, with constant exposure to multiple stimuli, divided screens and ever-increasing concerns about safety and the economy, our adrenaline levels remain high. This causes the brain to filter information it deems relevant, based on past decision patterns and similar events. If you are new to a senior or leadership role, you may feel anxious when delivering your first feedback. In trying to be overly considerate, you might soften the message too much, failing to convey the necessary seriousness.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), created by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, offers a framework to foster more empathetic and compassionate dialogue without losing the clarity of the message. It is, therefore, a powerful tool for managing people effectively.

NVC has four steps and can be an excellent aid in shaping your feedback for mature and objective dialogue. It is divided into the following steps:

• Observation (without judgment);
• Feelings about the observation;
• Unmet needs;
• Clear and direct request.

For example:

“The project is still not on the drive (observation). This frustrates me because you did not inform me of any issues or ask for help during the team’s planning session when we discussed project progress (feeling). We agreed that the data would be available and updated by the 11th (unmet need). I need the final file uploaded to the drive by 11 a.m. today, and if you require help, please inform the group so we can redistribute tasks and meet the deadline (request).”

Implementing a culture of continuous feedback not only improves communication between leaders and employees but also boosts engagement and productivity within teams. Here are some ways to deepen these moments with your team:

• Hold frequent 1:1 meetings, using active listening to align on key gaps identified during the project and regarding the individual’s performance. It is common for people to justify themselves or blame others during constructive feedback. Your role as a leader is to remain focused on the agenda, emphasizing that it is not about assigning blame but reflecting on how things are perceived.
• Ensure feedback is fact-based, specific, and action-oriented. In moments of justification or blame, you can address topics like reputation as a career pillar, creating action plans based on the examples provided in the feedback.
• Deliver feedback in a timely manner. Calling someone in for feedback only once a year and referencing events from January that the employee may no longer remember is ineffective. While it doesn’t need to be immediate—since adrenaline and cortisol levels can trigger volatile emotions—it should be delivered as soon as possible to ensure a quick return to a collaborative state.
• Avoid the “sandwich feedback” method. This practice involves giving constructive feedback between two compliments. While it may soften the message, it risks undermining the need for change and can create distrust in the sincerity of the initial praise.

In conclusion, while feedback is a well-explored topic, it remains essential in people management and building high-performance teams. The structured, empathetic approach of Nonviolent Communication ensures that all parties involved understand the nuances of the conversation while maintaining the human connection that strengthens bonds between leaders and employees.

By investing in more structured feedback communication, leaders help create continuous learning environments, ultimately supporting organizational innovation through neuroplasticity—but that’s a conversation for another time.